It just makes sense.

I've just returned from Andrew Peterson's "Behold the Lamb of God" concert. The only way I could describe myself in that place was by repeating, "my heart is just so full." All the non-blood related people I love so intensely were there (minus Eric, and a handfull of others, so please don't be offended :)).

While driving back to Lincoln, I was talking with a friend about identity. We were discussing the fact that we are different when we are not at home...it's like we're not ourselves...I am a distracted version of myself. Or, in her situation, maybe it's that she is more herself when she is away from everything and everyone she knows because there are no preconceived notions of who she is, and there are no expectations or pressures of who or what she can/can't be or do.

I don't know if you are following me, but I hope you are (assuming of course that someone actually will read this).

As we continued our conversation, I got to thinking (those of you who know me, know that this really means I got to talking). I was saying how it is always so refreshing to go home, because the people there really know me. After all, they have an unfair advantage since I lived in Norfolk for 20 years, and I've lived in Lincoln less than 2.5 years. And on top of that, in Norfolk we are living life with one another, doing life together; but here in Lincoln, I am literally living where I work and go to school. There is little time or opportunity for escape.

Then I got to thinking about how every time I see my "family" from home, I am reminded of who I really am because they remember, even when I don't. I have loved this season in Lincoln, but when I am here, school is my focus whether I like it or not. This has been a season of preparation. I have learned so much, but now it is time to take what I have learned and put it into practice.

It just makes sense to me that God would have me go back home where people know me deeply and intimately; where they know my passions that are far greater than reaching one campus for Christ...seeing a world transformed because they hear for the first time and "get" the fact that there is an all-powerful God, who I could not even pretend to grasp, who loves them and me for who we are, because we are who He created us to be (well, messy versions...you know, the whole sin thing and all).

So, I think it will be during my next season at home in the community of those whom I love, and who love me more than even makes sense, where God will not just tell me what the next step in life is, but He will be intensely and intentionally training me for what is next. And so I recognize the fact that the next 5 months are not just a time to coast (not that anyone who is student teaching could do so), but it is possibly the most important time in my life where I will have to be the most focused and intentional that I have ever been. It is a place and time where I could easily revert to a going-with-the-flow attitude, but I will have to fight (and have others fighting alongside of me) to use my time, talents, and energy wisely and purposefully while I'm home.

I have been asking the Lord what some of those things are that He wants to develop in me, next semester as I'm home. The very first thing that came to mind is that I desperately need a deeper knowledge and understanding of the Word. When I thought more about this, I realized that this also makes more and more sense. I asked myself why I need a deeper knowledge and understanding of the Word. The answer goes back to my conversation earlier tonight.

The answer:
I need to know who God is. (Why?) Because my identity is in Christ. I was made in the image of God, so to know myself is to know the Image in which I was made.

I need to know what God was about. I was made in the image of God, so to know my purpose is to know the purpose of the Image.

I've also decided that I don't want to take anyone's word on who God is.
[Now before you get upset, realize that I'm not rebelling against good counsel, I am just wanting to get into the Word and see who God tells me He is. I want to let Him speak for Himself. I plan on checking this with those wiser than I who can make sure I'm on the right track and not horribly theologically unsound.] So, I decided to start at the beginning. Yep, I started in Genesis 1. I wrote "God" at the top of my paper. While I read, I am constantly asking myself, "What/Who does this say God is?" Then, I just write it down. I started this last night, and I've already been completely blown away. Once again, the small box I have put around God has been destroyed...blown to pieces. I write the reference in the left margin, then I write the description that comes to mind from what I read (sometimes there are several from one verse or phrase), and then I write random thoughts/questions that I think of in the right margins. If you want to hear some of what I got, just let me know...but I think you should try it for yourself first.

If you're like me, you may want an example. Here it goes:
God
Gen. 1:1
-Already existed and was in the beginning. *What does it mean to "was"...what does it mean to never start "be"-ing?
-Creator
-etc.

Well, now it's way past my bedtime, but thanks for letting me get all that off my chest. I also apologize for all the run-on sentences I use.

***One of the next things I would like to discuss is the Purpose of the Image. (Just in case you were wondering.)

Other randomness: Tonight when I met Andrew Peterson, I realized that he was the first person this year that I have heard say, "Merry Christmas." And I like that.